“Why Are You Any Different?”

“You wouldn’t criticize a mountain for being too small or too big or a river for curving in its natural way, why are you any different?”

By definition, I am a perfectionist. I want to be the best in everything that I do, and I do not allow myself to make mistakes or be anything less than “perfect” without feeling like a failure. If I say or do something that isn’t completed to this insanely high standard I set for myself, I am critical and harsh about my performance. I am the first person to tear me down when analyzing any part of my life, and I have trouble picking out a positive thing I have done or said in a situation.

But would I say the same things or treat the people I love the way I treat myself if I am not “perfect”? Absolutely not. I pride myself on being a friend and companion that tries to be understanding, compassionate, and determined to help the people I love follow/accomplish their dreams. When their plans don’t work, let’s come up with a new plan that gets at the same goal but allows them to execute it in a different way. All I ask of them is to try 100% in whatever they are doing, and if they fail or fall short than that is okay by me. More importantly, I am truly proud of them. So if I am able to treat others like this, why am I not able to give myself the same kind of treatment?

To be honest, I have no idea. I do know that realizing that I am harshly critical of myself and so understanding of others about the same topic was a huge moment of clarity for me. It made me realize that I need to work on finding a balance between pushing myself to accomplish things and not punishing myself for the inevitable human error that will occur because I am not “perfect”. I will make mistakes, not meet deadlines of goals on time, and have off-days that I feel like my performance was not 100%, and that is okay. Because life is a balance, and a combination of good and bad is required to live a life that is full of human emotions.

-BrilliantlyAverage