“How Do You Go Back To Being Strangers With Someone Who Has Seen Your Soul?”

“How do you go back to being strangers with someone who has seen your soul?”- A Question That Bleeds, Nikita Gill 

I am out with friends at a bar 45 minutes from home to celebrate the completion of my first year of grad school. This bar is absolutely packed full of people who I have never seen. I turned around to say something to a friend and there he was. In the sea of people who I have never seen and most likely will never see again, he was there and my heart hit the floor.

The sayings about “a heart dropping or falling into your stomach” were always funny to me until I experienced it. Now, I completely understand it. In that split second, it was like my body reacted in autopilot. He looked and smiled with the girl that he cheated with, and I gave a half-smile and turned away. I think it took me a couple of minutes to process what had happened and for the shock to wear off before my emotions hit me (thankfully) because he did not see a reaction from me at all. But when all of the shock faded, I was sad. It was like I was punched in the gut and the wind had been knocked from me.

Isn’t it funny how life works? You think you are over the hurt and then you run into them when you honestly did not even expect it to be a possibility and it rocks you to the core. I think the reason that it got me so much was that I was not even prepared for the possibility that I would run into him, unlike the mental preparation required for me to go out to a bar back home.

The difficulty with him and the entire situation is that he will never be a stranger. He is the only person in the entire world that knows some of my secrets, knows how to react to each emotion and situation when I’m stressed, that I have to put mustard on top of the cheese and not the bread on a sandwich, and that I cry every time I see an elephant at the zoo because I am so obsessed. And a year later, I am giving him a half-smile and barely making eye contact with him in a bar. It’s a lot to handle, and we shouldn’t have to be ashamed of that. Heartbreak is real and has no time limit, and man does it hurt like hell.

-BrilliantlyAverage