The Moment You Know Your Life Won’t Ever Be The Same.

I know I’ll always think of you with something like hurt and nostalgia —Sylvia Plath, from a letter to Ann Davidow-Goodman written c. March 1950

I got my heart broken and it has changed who I am. My best friend, the person who kissed my wounds, called me beautiful at my absolute worst, made me feel alive and vulnerable and like I was on top of the world, just left one morning. This morning wasn’t different than any other morning. It’s funny because I remember it in detail. I woke up, brushed my teeth, prepared for the day, picked up the phone to call them, and I knew immediately by the tone of the other person’s voice when they said hello. Isn’t that crazy? You become so in tune with an individual that you know your entire life is changing by a single word, a sigh, maybe a head nod.

When I grieve, it takes me time to process and actually address things. So the time allotted that your friends and family give you to grieve, I am doing okay then. I am functioning, going to work and not missing deadlines, giving my friends advice, and appearing to look as though I am over it and have moved on. But once the grace period is over, the world keeps moving even if you are not. Your friends and family have lives to get to, your job still has those demands, and that is where I begin to really feel the damage of a situation.

I don’t grieve appropriately. It was exactly 6 months after I left someone who I honestly still think may be the love of my life. I was standing in a crowded space surrounded by my friends and all of a sudden I couldn’t breathe, I couldn’t think, I couldn’t move. I was stagnant screaming for help while appearing to be okay on the outside. I will never forget that moment because it was the moment I knew, for certainty, that a part of me will never be the same.

So just remember that everybody grieves differently and everyone gets their heart broken differently. Be compassionate when your loved ones are heartbroken, be compassionate when your heart is broken. Check on your friends even after you think they should be over something, Check on them again. You never know when someone is going to have their life changing moment, the moment that they too know that their life will never be the same again.

–BrilliantlyAverage